i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
