Yo dont text me then not text me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
