I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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