if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
