i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
