I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
