I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
