Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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