sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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