So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
