when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
