summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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