I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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