and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
