i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
