captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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