Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
