But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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