In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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