My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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