I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
