What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
