Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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