I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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