Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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