fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
