You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
