I CAN MOONWALK!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
