16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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