my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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