I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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