Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
