why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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