Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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