so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
