that's an acceptable place to lick
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
