After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
