two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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