If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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