I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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