Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
