Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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