me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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