Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
