Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
