id be glad to
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
