I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
