He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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