I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
