I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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