My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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