So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
