grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
