I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
