your room smells of hookers.
And success
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
