he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
