I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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