stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
