And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
