Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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