I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
