Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
