just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
