There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
