when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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