I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
