Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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