I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh god it's open bar.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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