Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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