After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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