we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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