The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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