I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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