Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
