i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My vagina just clenched in fear
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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